How to Hold Space for Others Without Losing Yourself
Empathy is one of the most beautiful gifts you can offer — it connects us, deepens relationships, and helps people feel truly seen. But when you give too much, it can leave you feeling drained, overwhelmed, and completely disconnected from yourself.
I used to think being a good friend meant always being available. I remember a time when a coworker was struggling with burnout. Every lunch break turned into a vent session, and I wanted to be supportive, so I listened, offered advice, and reassured her that she wasn’t alone. But over time, I realized I was carrying her stress as if it were my own. My own energy felt heavy, my patience ran thin, and I started dreading our conversations. I wasn’t just holding space — I was absorbing it.
That’s when I learned something big: Holding space for others doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself in the process. You can be supportive without losing yourself. Here’s how.
What Does It Actually Mean to Hold Space?
Holding space means being fully present for someone in a way that feels safe and nonjudgmental. It’s listening with compassion, letting them share what’s on their mind, and showing them you care — without feeling the need to fix, solve, or take on their emotions as your own.
At the same time, holding space doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs or carrying someone else’s emotional weight. The best way to truly support others is by staying grounded in your energy.
Signs You’re Giving Too Much
If you’re someone who gives generously, it’s easy to miss the signs that you’re overextending yourself.
Here are a few red flags to watch for:
You feel drained or off after certain conversations.
You say yes even when you really want to say no.
You take on other people’s problems as if they’re your own.
Your own needs and priorities keep getting pushed aside.
You feel resentful — then guilty for feeling that way.
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry — you’re not alone. And the good news? You can change this.
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How to Hold Space Without Losing Yourself
1. Listen Without Trying to Fix Everything
You know that urge to jump in with advice or solutions? Yeah, let’s put that on pause. Most of the time, people just need to feel heard — not fixed.
Try this instead:
Be fully present. Nod, make eye contact, and say things like, “That sounds really hard,” or “I’m here for you.”
Only offer advice if they ask for it. Otherwise, just listen.
Resist the urge to say, “You should…” or “Have you tried…?”
Why It Works:
You get to be there for them without feeling responsible for solving their problems.
Journaling Prompt:
Think of a time when you truly felt heard by someone. What made that conversation feel supportive?
2. Protect Your Energy
If you tend to absorb other people’s emotions (hello, fellow empaths!), learning to protect your energy is a game-changer.
Try this instead:
Before a big conversation, visualize yourself surrounded by a protective bubble of light — your personal energy shield.
Visualize their emotions bouncing off your shield, so you can stay grounded.
If needed, take deep breaths before and after the conversation to reset your energy.
Why It Works:
You can show empathy without carrying their emotional weight around all day.
Journaling Prompt:
Think about a time when you felt emotionally wiped out after supporting someone. What could you have done to protect your energy?
3. Set Boundaries — With Love
Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about protecting your well-being so you can show up fully without burning out.
Try this instead:
Be honest but kind. Say, “I care about you, but I need some time to recharge.”
Limit availability when needed. It’s okay to say, “I can’t talk right now, but I’d love to check in later.”
Give yourself permission to say no. No explanations required.
Why It Works:
Setting boundaries protects your relationships by making sure you don’t burn out. You’ll feel less drained and more present when you’re with them.
Journaling Prompt:
Where in your life do you need stronger boundaries? What’s one way you can set a gentle, loving limit?
4. Check In with Yourself Regularly
When you’re focused on others, it’s easy to forget to ask yourself: “Wait, how am I doing?”
Try this instead:
Pause and check in:
What am I feeling right now?
What do I need to feel balanced?
Am I taking on too much?
Why It Works:
These small self-checks keep you connected to your needs, so you don’t lose yourself in someone else’s story.
Journaling Prompt:
How do you feel after supporting someone? What’s one small thing you could do to replenish your energy?
5. Make Self-Care a Non-Negotiable
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make time to refill yours.
Try this instead:
Block out time for things that bring you joy — journaling, yoga, solo walks, creative hobbies, or a Netflix binge.
Treat self-care like an appointment you can’t cancel.
Listen to your needs. Some days, self-care might look like rest; other days, it’s movement, creativity, or connection. Honor what feels right in the moment.
Why It Works:
When you nurture yourself, you have more energy to show up for others without feeling depleted.
Journaling Prompt:
What does self-care mean to me? How can I make it a priority without feeling guilty?
Affirmations to Keep You Grounded
Here are a few affirmations to repeat when you’re feeling overwhelmed:
“I can be compassionate without giving too much of myself.”
“It’s OK to say no when I need to.”
“My energy is sacred, and I protect it with love.”
“I hold space for others while honoring my own needs.”
“I am allowed to set boundaries without guilt.”
“Caring for myself allows me to care for others more fully.”
“Taking care of myself allows me to show up fully.”
“I release what’s not mine to carry.”
“Taking care of myself allows me to show up as my best self.”
“Rest is not a reward — it’s essential.”
“I am worthy of the same love and kindness I give to others.”
“It is safe for me to prioritize my well-being.”
“My time, energy, and emotions deserve protection.”
“I do not have to sacrifice myself to support others.”
“I give myself permission to take up space and set boundaries.”
Final Thoughts
Holding space for others is one of the most meaningful things you can do — but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own well-being.
By setting boundaries, protecting your energy, and making self-care a priority, you can be there for others and stay grounded in your own well-being.
You matter just as much as the people you support. And when you take care of yourself, you create the foundation to show up for others in a way that feels sustainable and nourishing.
You deserve to feel grounded, supported, and whole — not just for others, but for you, too.
Still Have Questions?
If you have more questions that I didn’t address here, based on your specific situation or anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask me. I’d love to see how I could be of service!
